Is there such thing as normal with PTSD

Today started out good; Got up went to church, had some friends over for lunch, then went to my moms to swim and go to the beach. Sounds like a pretty awesome day doesn't it? The awesomeness ended on the 45 minute drive home. My husband has a tendency to turn a little incident into a disaster. Incident #1…our 2 year old spilt his bucket of sandy shells in the back of the car on the drive home. That's when the yelling began because now there is sand and water in the back of the car. Personally I don't see what the big deal is, it's a simple fix, but will just have to wait until I get a chance to vacuum it out. Incident #2….when we left this afternoon for my moms the house was trashed (our friends brought their 4 kids on top of our 2 youngest). We agreed that since we had to get to my moms to pick up our other 2 kids, I would just clean everything up tomorrow while he was at work. I am a stay at home mom and the house is normally immaculate so it would have given me something to do. I say would have because when we got home my husband had to have the house clean and stomped around doing it. Did I help? No! It was late, I was tired and felt like relaxing. If I did help it would have turned into a huge fight probably started by me complaining about his clean house obsession. I have been to many peoples houses and they are lived in (ours is like a model home and everything needs to be orderly and in its place). I honestly don't see the harm in leaving things until morning. I have to say I was really discouraged tonight. We don't have much interaction with friends as a couple and my husband avoids any social situation, So I was so excited to have my best friend and her family over. I began to daydream a little at church earlier thinking how it would be nice to invite a couple or two over for lunch or dinner every other weekend to build relationships with people that we have lacked for so many years. I was even making mental notes of what couples to invite when so that all 4 of our kids would have friends to entertain and what meals I would cook for who. This dream was shattered tonight. I was so discouraged by my husbands behavior that I started thinking why should I waste my time in having people over if I have to deal with all of the stress of a messy house after. Is fellowship and making friends really worth it? Maybe that's why we have lived so sheltered without any friends for so long. Anyway in the midst of me being so irritated and resenting my husband I realized that it's not his fault. My husband can't handle anxiety and takes his stress out in his cleaning rampages. I had thoughts of going back to shutting the world out and live in our own little world where it feels like nobody understands. Or should I try to have a "normal" life and put my husband in situations where he will have to face his anxieties and finally socialize with people? It is definitely easier to continue in our own little world, but it's not good for us or our family. It has made me bitter, resentful, and miserable. Having social interactions with the right people is so uplifting, joyful and gives me hope. PTSD is hard and will really test your marriage and nights like tonight when I just want to rip my husbands head off I just step away and remind myself that it's not either of our faults and to be patient. All I can do is pray tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for reading…

Wife a vet with PTSD

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